I kid you not that is the name of a real person that existed. Apparently my french teacher had a teacher in 7th grade named Ms. Triss...and she kinda hated her I guess.
It's sort of halloween here. The faculty are bringing their kids around. They're pretty cute. I'm dressed up as a hippie today. A clean and pretty hippie though.
I'm confused. I don't know what to do. Only I can figure it out though. I just wanted to let you know I'm confused.
OK
Since it's halloween-ish, I think I shall talk about the Phantom of the Opera. Did you know Andrew Lloyd Weber has written a sequel? Yeah...he did. Guess where the setting is? Perhaps another Opera House? Some neat castle in Europe? Nope. Not even close. The Phantom will be pining away for Christine at...Coney Island. Yes. Coney Island.
Apparently ALW didn't like the ending of the original phantom...so he's been working on a sequel for over 15 years.
One of the statements made on NPR was: "Based on past Lloyd Webber stagings (like the roller-skating Starlight Express), it further seems logical to speculate that there will be a grand production number in which everyone on the stage is driving around in bumper cars. (That prediction is 49 percent serious, plus or minus 2 percent.)"
Wow. I'm not a freak about musicals or anything but...wow. Desperate much?
More Halloweeness. So apparently Target (for a very short time) was selling an alien costume. Not just any ordinary alien costume though...an illegal alien costume. The costume consisted of an alien mask with an orange jumpsuit that said "illegal alien" on the front and a nifty little green card. Target got a little criticism for that....so they pulled it from their site.
FUN FACT: A green card would actually make the alien legal. So....?
That's all I got.
~AM
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Happy
I'm happy.
Yes this may come as an abrupt surprise. Usually people gradually work up to the happy thing when they were previously sad.
I don't work that way I guess.
I talked to my dear old friend Spike Jones you see. He just has a way of making me smile. Now I'm happy! Soon Spike Jones and Spud Jr. shall be reunited...and we shall save the world.
So that's the short story of why I'm happy...but the major point of why I am.
I'm gonna talk about that Titanic 100th Anniversary cruise now.
So apparently, there is a cruise line that will set sail and replicate the Titanic's journey. The company who built this cruise...also built the Titanic. They will stop at the exact spot it sank and have a memorial service the exact same day and time in which it sank. Then it will go on and complete the journey the Titanic was supposed to make.
It just seems like they are asking for trouble. Of course they mention to never fear because "the ship will carry enough lifeboats for people if something should go wrong". Well yay.
Now I'm going to talk about Paranormal Activity.
I don't know why....I hate being scared....but I really want to see this movie. I probably won't be able to sleep for weeks. I still have this weird desire to see it nevertheless. Ok...the PREVIEWS freaked me out enough that I couldn't sleep the night I watched that. If I do watch this movie, I don't know how I'm going to survive.
Well I'm going to learn languages now.
~AM
Yes this may come as an abrupt surprise. Usually people gradually work up to the happy thing when they were previously sad.
I don't work that way I guess.
I talked to my dear old friend Spike Jones you see. He just has a way of making me smile. Now I'm happy! Soon Spike Jones and Spud Jr. shall be reunited...and we shall save the world.
So that's the short story of why I'm happy...but the major point of why I am.
I'm gonna talk about that Titanic 100th Anniversary cruise now.
So apparently, there is a cruise line that will set sail and replicate the Titanic's journey. The company who built this cruise...also built the Titanic. They will stop at the exact spot it sank and have a memorial service the exact same day and time in which it sank. Then it will go on and complete the journey the Titanic was supposed to make.
It just seems like they are asking for trouble. Of course they mention to never fear because "the ship will carry enough lifeboats for people if something should go wrong". Well yay.
Now I'm going to talk about Paranormal Activity.
I don't know why....I hate being scared....but I really want to see this movie. I probably won't be able to sleep for weeks. I still have this weird desire to see it nevertheless. Ok...the PREVIEWS freaked me out enough that I couldn't sleep the night I watched that. If I do watch this movie, I don't know how I'm going to survive.
Well I'm going to learn languages now.
~AM
Sunday, October 25, 2009
I guess I have something against Disney?
So I had a dream last night. I was deathly ill. So who came to my aid? Dr. House of course. He was actually pretty nice to me.
He put me in this room with this other chick. She was crazy. The whole time she kept trying to kill me because she kept saying something like "you know my secret! you can't tell Dr. House!". She then would run around the room chasing me with a rolling pin. I kept trying to tell her I didn't know what she was talking about and that it would be really bad if she hit me on the head. Then she got me good in the head.
I woke up in my dream and Dr. House was just kinda sitting in this chair at the end of my bed...staring at me. "She hit you pretty good. Luckily I got to you before she bashed your brains out. Even then, you're still lucky to be alive and conscious. The last thing you needed with your condition was a smack in the head."
So then he just sat there and made sure I didn't die in my sleep. How thoughtful.
When I woke up in my dream again, I found myself in a different room. It was really dark except for this window. I was trying to figure out where in the world I was and where Dr. House went when this figure appeared in the window. That crazy chick climbed up the window of whatever room I was in and she was staring at me...rolling pin in hand.
She jumped at me and somehow I crossed her and jumped out the window and slid down a pole. When I got to the bottom, I found myself in a really dark, dreary and pretty sketchy part of a big city. It was also damp. I didn't like that very much. The crazy chick started yelling stuff at me from the window.
At this point I don't remember what all happened in the dream....but the next part I remember was walking down a street with some other chick. It was still dark and cold and sketchy...and we seemed to be walking by a really creepy carnival thing.
"I thought this was supposed to be the happiest place in america" the chick said.
"Well it's not. What can you expect? It's Disney. This place would be a lot better if Pixar made it. Seriously." I replied.
So yeah then I woke up. I don't know what that was all about.
~AM
He put me in this room with this other chick. She was crazy. The whole time she kept trying to kill me because she kept saying something like "you know my secret! you can't tell Dr. House!". She then would run around the room chasing me with a rolling pin. I kept trying to tell her I didn't know what she was talking about and that it would be really bad if she hit me on the head. Then she got me good in the head.
I woke up in my dream and Dr. House was just kinda sitting in this chair at the end of my bed...staring at me. "She hit you pretty good. Luckily I got to you before she bashed your brains out. Even then, you're still lucky to be alive and conscious. The last thing you needed with your condition was a smack in the head."
So then he just sat there and made sure I didn't die in my sleep. How thoughtful.
When I woke up in my dream again, I found myself in a different room. It was really dark except for this window. I was trying to figure out where in the world I was and where Dr. House went when this figure appeared in the window. That crazy chick climbed up the window of whatever room I was in and she was staring at me...rolling pin in hand.
She jumped at me and somehow I crossed her and jumped out the window and slid down a pole. When I got to the bottom, I found myself in a really dark, dreary and pretty sketchy part of a big city. It was also damp. I didn't like that very much. The crazy chick started yelling stuff at me from the window.
At this point I don't remember what all happened in the dream....but the next part I remember was walking down a street with some other chick. It was still dark and cold and sketchy...and we seemed to be walking by a really creepy carnival thing.
"I thought this was supposed to be the happiest place in america" the chick said.
"Well it's not. What can you expect? It's Disney. This place would be a lot better if Pixar made it. Seriously." I replied.
So yeah then I woke up. I don't know what that was all about.
~AM
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Writing Class
Sitting in writing class....my mind is elsewhere. Pretty sure no one else is listening to our professor. I catch a point here and there. I try to make it look like I'm paying attention. In a room with only 15 kids.... I feel obligated to do that.
There's a painting of this guy. I don't know who he is....but he's staring at me like I'm the worst person on the earth. I don't know why. He doesn't even know me. There he is though, staring at me like I'm a nobody. It's as if he's saying "Why the hell are you here? You don't belong here." *sigh* Jerk.
There's another painting. "F. Scott Fitzgerald" it says. I decide Fitzy is a better name. Fitzy looks down upon the class like he's the greatest guy who ever lived. He says to us "You wish you were ME don't you?". No actually I don't. Then the jerk guy says "Shut up little girl you don't know anything".
I hear something about the book "The Things They Carried" mentioned. My professor talks about the lieutenant who had his mind elsewhere.
My mind goes elsewhere again. I think of you. I want to write all over the blackboard how much I love you and how much you mean to me still. I want to take a picture of that blackboard and send it to you. You probably wouldn't like that too much.
Fitzy looks at me like I'm the most pathetic person ever. "haha!" he says. "Oh poor child! I bet you wish you were ME! Look how wonderful I am!".
I ignore Fitzy and think about my blackboard plan. I ditch the idea. It does sound a little pathetic.
I look over at my professor but the jerk guy painting is right behind her. I try to listen to what she is saying....but he's staring at me. Judging my every move. Judging my every thought. I want him to stop looking at me. I focus my eyes on the professor. She's still talking on and on about the stories we had to read. I'm not sure what she's getting at. I understand the concept of non-fiction and how it can sorta be made up and blah blah blah.
But that GUY. That PAINTING. It's right behind her. "Pay attention to your studies you worthless girl!" he tells me. I try. He keeps staring at me in that judging way. Condescending.
I look down at my notes and pretend to be writing things down. Anything to avoid his judgmental gaze.
My friend (I think) sitting next to me brushes his arm against mine accidentally as he starts to write something down. For that brief second I felt like I was going to be ok...I had people who cared. Fitzy started to laugh at me. "oh silly child! No one cares about you! You're not important like ME!".
I stare hard at my notes. There's nothing written down really. Maybe a couple of words here and there. There are more dinosaurs on the page. I start to draw a cat eye. That doesn't work out.
I hear something about the story we read and what certain symbols might mean and how we will get to meet the author and that we should ask him questions when we meet him next week.
While listening, I saw that I was still drawing. I drew a roadrunner.
Blackboard.
I stare at my professor and ignore the jerk guy staring from behind her. I try to think about what her life might have been like. She seemed like the type who was a total hippie. I think she still is.
I look back down at the roadrunner I drew. Out of the corner of my eye I see another painting. There's just a guy....reading a book. Couldn't care less about me or anyone else. He just cares about that old book he's reading. He's got a whole stack of books in front of him to read next. He's occupied. He won't bother me.
The professor starts telling us about how she wrote an essay about when she played a guitar on a train for people. She's a hippie.
She finishes the story....it's time for us to go. The jerk looks at me and says "You didn't learn a thing about writing today. You were too busy not paying attention.".
I hate that painting.
I grab my stuff and walk quickly away from him. His cold and uncaring eyes follow me out the door.
~AM
There's a painting of this guy. I don't know who he is....but he's staring at me like I'm the worst person on the earth. I don't know why. He doesn't even know me. There he is though, staring at me like I'm a nobody. It's as if he's saying "Why the hell are you here? You don't belong here." *sigh* Jerk.
There's another painting. "F. Scott Fitzgerald" it says. I decide Fitzy is a better name. Fitzy looks down upon the class like he's the greatest guy who ever lived. He says to us "You wish you were ME don't you?". No actually I don't. Then the jerk guy says "Shut up little girl you don't know anything".
I hear something about the book "The Things They Carried" mentioned. My professor talks about the lieutenant who had his mind elsewhere.
My mind goes elsewhere again. I think of you. I want to write all over the blackboard how much I love you and how much you mean to me still. I want to take a picture of that blackboard and send it to you. You probably wouldn't like that too much.
Fitzy looks at me like I'm the most pathetic person ever. "haha!" he says. "Oh poor child! I bet you wish you were ME! Look how wonderful I am!".
I ignore Fitzy and think about my blackboard plan. I ditch the idea. It does sound a little pathetic.
I look over at my professor but the jerk guy painting is right behind her. I try to listen to what she is saying....but he's staring at me. Judging my every move. Judging my every thought. I want him to stop looking at me. I focus my eyes on the professor. She's still talking on and on about the stories we had to read. I'm not sure what she's getting at. I understand the concept of non-fiction and how it can sorta be made up and blah blah blah.
But that GUY. That PAINTING. It's right behind her. "Pay attention to your studies you worthless girl!" he tells me. I try. He keeps staring at me in that judging way. Condescending.
I look down at my notes and pretend to be writing things down. Anything to avoid his judgmental gaze.
My friend (I think) sitting next to me brushes his arm against mine accidentally as he starts to write something down. For that brief second I felt like I was going to be ok...I had people who cared. Fitzy started to laugh at me. "oh silly child! No one cares about you! You're not important like ME!".
I stare hard at my notes. There's nothing written down really. Maybe a couple of words here and there. There are more dinosaurs on the page. I start to draw a cat eye. That doesn't work out.
I hear something about the story we read and what certain symbols might mean and how we will get to meet the author and that we should ask him questions when we meet him next week.
While listening, I saw that I was still drawing. I drew a roadrunner.
Blackboard.
I stare at my professor and ignore the jerk guy staring from behind her. I try to think about what her life might have been like. She seemed like the type who was a total hippie. I think she still is.
I look back down at the roadrunner I drew. Out of the corner of my eye I see another painting. There's just a guy....reading a book. Couldn't care less about me or anyone else. He just cares about that old book he's reading. He's got a whole stack of books in front of him to read next. He's occupied. He won't bother me.
The professor starts telling us about how she wrote an essay about when she played a guitar on a train for people. She's a hippie.
She finishes the story....it's time for us to go. The jerk looks at me and says "You didn't learn a thing about writing today. You were too busy not paying attention.".
I hate that painting.
I grab my stuff and walk quickly away from him. His cold and uncaring eyes follow me out the door.
~AM
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Music is... my enemy
A couple years ago I did an experiment with music. I listened to music that I had refused to listen to for a few years because I was worried about reliving a certain time in my life. I set to prove that I could listen to these songs again with little or no emotional effect. I thought that since it had been a few years...I would be over it and I could happily listen to that lost music again.
However, I found that these songs produced a feeling like...I traveled back in time. I had flashbacks and it was...pretty bad. So I guess I can't listen to Led Zeppelin. Eh...not too much of a loss.
Unfortunately, I have come to another point in my life where I am unable to listen to most of my music because it sets off memories which set off emotions and it's just...not good.
One of my favorite artists has fallen victim to this: Beck. I cannot listen to Beck. I probably can't even listen to any new songs that come out by him because his voice is so distinct. It's really....I want to listen to Beck. I really like his songs. The emotions attached to the songs are close to unbearable though so I am unable to do so.
Other artists who have fallen victim include: Air, Andrew Bird, Arctic Monkeys, Beatles, Coldplay, Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists, Elbow, Frank Sinatra, Jack Johnson, Kings of Convenience, Modest Mouse, Of Montreal, Radiohead, Royksopp,Sea Wolf, and White Rabbits to name a few. (I notice a pattern in the ones I listed here...but that pattern breaks once I list pretty much every single artist I've ever liked)
Now, this seriously limits the amount of songs I have left that aren't "dangerous" to listen to.
My top 5 artists are in that group. I am unable to listen to them. Ouch. There goes 30 CDs right there.
Also, judging off of that "experiment" I did a couple years ago, it will be some time before I can listen to any of these artists again...if at all.
I like listening to music...but I'm having trouble finding music to make me happy or to shut my brain up at night so I can go to sleep.
I've been listening to my old choir learning CDs (I'm still limited to what ones are still "safe" there too though) and A Very Potter Musical soundtrack. Sometimes I'll listen to a few of the MPR: The Current "song of the day" podcast songs that I have.
Basically I have to listen to music that doesn't make me feel anything...or a tiny bit happy.
Some nights...I just can't listen to any music. I just have to listen to "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" (which, I'm very surprised I can still listen to) until I fall asleep.
It's dumb and I can't do anything about it. Well..there IS a way in which I would be able to listen to those songs again...but...
Basically I'm screwed. I have to find new music. Then the cycle will probably start again with the new music I find.
I guess this is just another one of those things in your life that you don't realize will be affected by the various changes that happen in your life.
I just have lost a lot of things these past few months.
I was hoping the music would stay to help me through it.
Guess not.
~AM
However, I found that these songs produced a feeling like...I traveled back in time. I had flashbacks and it was...pretty bad. So I guess I can't listen to Led Zeppelin. Eh...not too much of a loss.
Unfortunately, I have come to another point in my life where I am unable to listen to most of my music because it sets off memories which set off emotions and it's just...not good.
One of my favorite artists has fallen victim to this: Beck. I cannot listen to Beck. I probably can't even listen to any new songs that come out by him because his voice is so distinct. It's really....I want to listen to Beck. I really like his songs. The emotions attached to the songs are close to unbearable though so I am unable to do so.
Other artists who have fallen victim include: Air, Andrew Bird, Arctic Monkeys, Beatles, Coldplay, Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists, Elbow, Frank Sinatra, Jack Johnson, Kings of Convenience, Modest Mouse, Of Montreal, Radiohead, Royksopp,Sea Wolf, and White Rabbits to name a few. (I notice a pattern in the ones I listed here...but that pattern breaks once I list pretty much every single artist I've ever liked)
Now, this seriously limits the amount of songs I have left that aren't "dangerous" to listen to.
My top 5 artists are in that group. I am unable to listen to them. Ouch. There goes 30 CDs right there.
Also, judging off of that "experiment" I did a couple years ago, it will be some time before I can listen to any of these artists again...if at all.
I like listening to music...but I'm having trouble finding music to make me happy or to shut my brain up at night so I can go to sleep.
I've been listening to my old choir learning CDs (I'm still limited to what ones are still "safe" there too though) and A Very Potter Musical soundtrack. Sometimes I'll listen to a few of the MPR: The Current "song of the day" podcast songs that I have.
Basically I have to listen to music that doesn't make me feel anything...or a tiny bit happy.
Some nights...I just can't listen to any music. I just have to listen to "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" (which, I'm very surprised I can still listen to) until I fall asleep.
It's dumb and I can't do anything about it. Well..there IS a way in which I would be able to listen to those songs again...but...
Basically I'm screwed. I have to find new music. Then the cycle will probably start again with the new music I find.
I guess this is just another one of those things in your life that you don't realize will be affected by the various changes that happen in your life.
I just have lost a lot of things these past few months.
I was hoping the music would stay to help me through it.
Guess not.
~AM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sick and Dead
So I keep feeling all sick and such. This morning was just...awful. I was nauseous and dizzy and dead. It felt like someone was punching the crap out of me while some other guy was pouring some sort of mint all over me. I was cold and tingly...I can't even describe to you what amount of pain I was in also.
So in college...you kinda have to just take care of yourself when crap like that happens. Unless you have a REALLY REALLY good friend who just wants to mother everyone.
I learned a lesson today. Hot showers help...but only if you are feeling pretty alright. If you're feeling like crap and that you might pass out...DON'T TAKE A HOT SHOWER. Makes it like 10 times worse.
um...I watched The Hangover. I was expecting better than that...but it was still good.
yep.
~AM
So in college...you kinda have to just take care of yourself when crap like that happens. Unless you have a REALLY REALLY good friend who just wants to mother everyone.
I learned a lesson today. Hot showers help...but only if you are feeling pretty alright. If you're feeling like crap and that you might pass out...DON'T TAKE A HOT SHOWER. Makes it like 10 times worse.
um...I watched The Hangover. I was expecting better than that...but it was still good.
yep.
~AM
Friday, October 16, 2009
Zen
I bought a zen book today. I've always wanted to. So I did.
~Believe those who are seeking truth. Doubt those who find it.
I like that. I'm going to like this Zen book I think. Perhaps it will help me...and I will be able to sleep better at night.
I read this one somewhere else:
~You can't fall off the floor.
It's so simple. Yet you still find yourself thinking about it and going "huh". You can't really think too much about these things though. You just have to take it in, understand the meaning, and let it go. One shouldn't over-analyze.
I need to learn how to not over-analyze things. That's what makes me go crazy.
~The reverse side has a reverse side.
Yes. Yes it does.
I've been having a lot of... trouble lately. There's really no way to solve it...unless obviously things change. I can't just stop feeling the way I feel and stop thinking the way I think. That's like telling a duck it can't swim and quack and stuff. Maybe under your watchful eye the duck won't do it, but it's gonna start swimming and quacking once you turn your back. Perhaps the duck realizes it's not really getting anywhere in life by all this swimming and quacking at the moment....but that's what he believes he was meant to do. Swim and quack. So he continues to do it. If he keeps doing that, perhaps something good will happen...or maybe something bad. Either way, something happens...and the duck did what he believed he ought to do.
Maybe that was a little out there. It makes sense to me. I tend to come up with obscure, yet oddly pretty good analogies. So I think.
~By daily dying I have come to be.
Yep. Pretty much.
~AM
~Believe those who are seeking truth. Doubt those who find it.
I like that. I'm going to like this Zen book I think. Perhaps it will help me...and I will be able to sleep better at night.
I read this one somewhere else:
~You can't fall off the floor.
It's so simple. Yet you still find yourself thinking about it and going "huh". You can't really think too much about these things though. You just have to take it in, understand the meaning, and let it go. One shouldn't over-analyze.
I need to learn how to not over-analyze things. That's what makes me go crazy.
~The reverse side has a reverse side.
Yes. Yes it does.
I've been having a lot of... trouble lately. There's really no way to solve it...unless obviously things change. I can't just stop feeling the way I feel and stop thinking the way I think. That's like telling a duck it can't swim and quack and stuff. Maybe under your watchful eye the duck won't do it, but it's gonna start swimming and quacking once you turn your back. Perhaps the duck realizes it's not really getting anywhere in life by all this swimming and quacking at the moment....but that's what he believes he was meant to do. Swim and quack. So he continues to do it. If he keeps doing that, perhaps something good will happen...or maybe something bad. Either way, something happens...and the duck did what he believed he ought to do.
Maybe that was a little out there. It makes sense to me. I tend to come up with obscure, yet oddly pretty good analogies. So I think.
~By daily dying I have come to be.
Yep. Pretty much.
~AM
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Pokemon Master
Yes, I probably should be doing my homework....but why?
I guess I'm having one of those moments within one of those days in which I think to myself "now why on earth do I exist?".
Let's start with going to college. I envy the people who have a goal to work towards. They do pre-med because they want to be doctors. They get a teaching license so they can teach. They do dentist-y stuff to be a dentist. They become a music major to do god knows what.
Me? I just like to know a lot of random stuff I guess. I don't think I can for sure tie myself down to a specific area. I know what areas I would never ever go into. I know of some areas that interest me a bit..but not enough to put my whole life into it. I don't really feel any thing that speaks to me and says "THIS IS YOUR PURPOSE"
There's only been one time in my life that I ever felt that way. I realized it at church and all so I thought for sure...but no. But hey life isn't over yet...and I don't give up easily.
So what if that still is my purpose? Well then I'm doing an awfully crappy job at it. Oh you can only guess at what I thought it was and still mostly hopelessly believe it is. Actually you probably can.
You know what? I'm gonna become a pokemon master. I'm going to catch one of the squirrels here and that shall be my companion. I shall battle other trainers and become the champion.
"What did you major in?"
"I'm a pokemon master"
"oh...well you do you have any job experience?"
"I...well...no you see I've been on the road raising these pokemon and such for most of my life"
"Like a dog breeder or something?"
"well...no...I taught them these moves and they used them against other pokemon...and I won"
"like...a dog trainer?"
hmmm maybe a pokemon master isn't such a realistic plan.
But seriously I need some sort of definite goal to work towards. Not just flyby ones that come and go. I'm one of those people who need a realistic goal.
Maybe it's just the whole idea of college that is stressing me out. Why did my parents spend soooo much money for me to come here? To become an important somebody in the workforce...and for the amount of money they are paying that's what should happen.
I just...I don't know. I don't want to be a highly paid important somebody in one specific area. All I ever wanted was....somebody...and then it didn't matter really what I did. I would have been happy.
Now I'm not happy. So I'm trying to find a substitute thing to make me happy...and it isn't really working.
I'm a hopeless romantic sap.
~AM
I guess I'm having one of those moments within one of those days in which I think to myself "now why on earth do I exist?".
Let's start with going to college. I envy the people who have a goal to work towards. They do pre-med because they want to be doctors. They get a teaching license so they can teach. They do dentist-y stuff to be a dentist. They become a music major to do god knows what.
Me? I just like to know a lot of random stuff I guess. I don't think I can for sure tie myself down to a specific area. I know what areas I would never ever go into. I know of some areas that interest me a bit..but not enough to put my whole life into it. I don't really feel any thing that speaks to me and says "THIS IS YOUR PURPOSE"
There's only been one time in my life that I ever felt that way. I realized it at church and all so I thought for sure...but no. But hey life isn't over yet...and I don't give up easily.
So what if that still is my purpose? Well then I'm doing an awfully crappy job at it. Oh you can only guess at what I thought it was and still mostly hopelessly believe it is. Actually you probably can.
You know what? I'm gonna become a pokemon master. I'm going to catch one of the squirrels here and that shall be my companion. I shall battle other trainers and become the champion.
"What did you major in?"
"I'm a pokemon master"
"oh...well you do you have any job experience?"
"I...well...no you see I've been on the road raising these pokemon and such for most of my life"
"Like a dog breeder or something?"
"well...no...I taught them these moves and they used them against other pokemon...and I won"
"like...a dog trainer?"
hmmm maybe a pokemon master isn't such a realistic plan.
But seriously I need some sort of definite goal to work towards. Not just flyby ones that come and go. I'm one of those people who need a realistic goal.
Maybe it's just the whole idea of college that is stressing me out. Why did my parents spend soooo much money for me to come here? To become an important somebody in the workforce...and for the amount of money they are paying that's what should happen.
I just...I don't know. I don't want to be a highly paid important somebody in one specific area. All I ever wanted was....somebody...and then it didn't matter really what I did. I would have been happy.
Now I'm not happy. So I'm trying to find a substitute thing to make me happy...and it isn't really working.
I'm a hopeless romantic sap.
~AM
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Dr. House?
Well hey there people who care.
I'm pretty weak. Pretty much took all of my strength to walk to my first class, learn stuff, and walk back. The thing is, the cold or whatever I have hasn't really gotten any worse. I'm still not really coughing...when I do it's just a baby cough. My nose is only stuffy at the "convenient" time of 4am. I'm only nauseous in the morning. My throat isn't sore. I've just noticed my breathing is more stupid and my head feels like it's....lacking feeling? I know it doesn't make any sense. So... I don't know what's wrong with me. My head is swimming now. I feel...not good.
My leg hurts. My back hurts. Why is everything randomly starting to hurt now?
Maybe I have a rare disease or something that only Dr. House can solve. Too bad he's...not real.
I just feel funny.
I also lack control over most of my life....or so I perceive.
a duck in water
he quacks at me which means that
he's laughing at me
little star I see
I wish my life was less dumb
hey thanks little star
I'm done now.
~AM
I'm pretty weak. Pretty much took all of my strength to walk to my first class, learn stuff, and walk back. The thing is, the cold or whatever I have hasn't really gotten any worse. I'm still not really coughing...when I do it's just a baby cough. My nose is only stuffy at the "convenient" time of 4am. I'm only nauseous in the morning. My throat isn't sore. I've just noticed my breathing is more stupid and my head feels like it's....lacking feeling? I know it doesn't make any sense. So... I don't know what's wrong with me. My head is swimming now. I feel...not good.
My leg hurts. My back hurts. Why is everything randomly starting to hurt now?
Maybe I have a rare disease or something that only Dr. House can solve. Too bad he's...not real.
I just feel funny.
I also lack control over most of my life....or so I perceive.
a duck in water
he quacks at me which means that
he's laughing at me
little star I see
I wish my life was less dumb
hey thanks little star
I'm done now.
~AM
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Suppertime
I don't wanna talk about my life. It's not the way it should be.
So I'm gonna talk about something else.
Here's a happy little song about Suppertime:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmk4NBFG_MA
Roger Bart wins. I would watch this musical only for him. That's all.
I really wish I had an interesting topic to rant about. I'm not really in the mood. Maybe next time.
~AM
So I'm gonna talk about something else.
Here's a happy little song about Suppertime:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmk4NBFG_MA
Roger Bart wins. I would watch this musical only for him. That's all.
I really wish I had an interesting topic to rant about. I'm not really in the mood. Maybe next time.
~AM
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Like Father Like Daughter
I think I'm turning into a more awkward and slightly more chattier version of my dad. I think...that's good?
I've just noticed a lot of similarities of our thinking patterns and such.
It's a little scary.
Conservation photographer? eh? Maybe I could be that? National Parks? National Geographic? Smithsonian? Hello?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to assign purpose and meaning to my life at the moment. The last time I did that...it turned out to be not such a good move though. So maybe I should stop setting up myself to fail and just...do stuff. Goals have never been my forte.
HAIKU TIME!
Refrigerator
It's very sad when it's empty
Let's fill it with noms
YAY HAIKU!
I haven't slept very well the past few days. It's not fun.
I've also been mad. That's not fun either.
I drew a picture of a sheep.
He says BAAA!!!1
I should draw more pictures. I'm trying to fill up my wall with random pictures I like and stuff I draw. So yeah.
I really have nothing more to say. Maybe I'll come up with an interesting topic to rant about later.
~AM
I've just noticed a lot of similarities of our thinking patterns and such.
It's a little scary.
Conservation photographer? eh? Maybe I could be that? National Parks? National Geographic? Smithsonian? Hello?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to assign purpose and meaning to my life at the moment. The last time I did that...it turned out to be not such a good move though. So maybe I should stop setting up myself to fail and just...do stuff. Goals have never been my forte.
HAIKU TIME!
Refrigerator
It's very sad when it's empty
Let's fill it with noms
YAY HAIKU!
I haven't slept very well the past few days. It's not fun.
I've also been mad. That's not fun either.
I drew a picture of a sheep.
He says BAAA!!!1
I should draw more pictures. I'm trying to fill up my wall with random pictures I like and stuff I draw. So yeah.
I really have nothing more to say. Maybe I'll come up with an interesting topic to rant about later.
~AM
Sunday, October 04, 2009
People Are Dumb
This includes myself.
~AM
P.S. People are also disappointing...just like my post for today.
~AM
P.S. People are also disappointing...just like my post for today.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Comforting
Alright...I suppose I should back up to Thursday.
Work. My first day of work. I never realized how much I truly hated beans...or the smell of beans. I really really hate that smell though. I even took a shower after work (I missed The Office for that...but it was a necessary sacrifice) and I still smelled beans on my arms. It was gross. I only have to serve from 5-7. During that time I burn my poor little fingers off because the taco shells are ridiculously hot...and so are the plates. BUT I also have to stay and clean up...which takes another hour. I dunno...I just felt all gross and dirty. I didn't like the clean up process. I didn't want to eat the cafeteria food that night either. I just went back to my dorm and ate there. Even pizza rolls seemed more like food to me. The guy I get to work with is pretty nice though.
Today...I went to target. I got some nifty little shoes that I can only wear if it stops raining. I also got a scarf to fit in with the cool kids.
So in choir today my director was trying to help the altos sing our part. (you know cuz we have the hard part and not just melody like the sopranos)
She walks up to my row to get closer to us and as she was walking past me she kinda just... took my music to use.
So I'm like "oh ok" and just looked on with my neighbor.
After she fixed our part she walked back up to the front...with my music still in her hand.
She tells us all to sing together so I'm like "oh ok" and continue to look on with my neighbor.
She then stops us abruptly and yells "Wait a minute! Why do some of you not have your music!!!???"
So I said "because you took mine". She's all like "What did I do?". So I spoke up a little louder and said "you took mine".
We all laughed and she exclaimed "I should be on some sort of ADD meds or something".
The End.
I'm starting to do things like pretend movie characters are my friends again. It's...probably not cool to be doing that...but it's comforting?
~AM
Work. My first day of work. I never realized how much I truly hated beans...or the smell of beans. I really really hate that smell though. I even took a shower after work (I missed The Office for that...but it was a necessary sacrifice) and I still smelled beans on my arms. It was gross. I only have to serve from 5-7. During that time I burn my poor little fingers off because the taco shells are ridiculously hot...and so are the plates. BUT I also have to stay and clean up...which takes another hour. I dunno...I just felt all gross and dirty. I didn't like the clean up process. I didn't want to eat the cafeteria food that night either. I just went back to my dorm and ate there. Even pizza rolls seemed more like food to me. The guy I get to work with is pretty nice though.
Today...I went to target. I got some nifty little shoes that I can only wear if it stops raining. I also got a scarf to fit in with the cool kids.
So in choir today my director was trying to help the altos sing our part. (you know cuz we have the hard part and not just melody like the sopranos)
She walks up to my row to get closer to us and as she was walking past me she kinda just... took my music to use.
So I'm like "oh ok" and just looked on with my neighbor.
After she fixed our part she walked back up to the front...with my music still in her hand.
She tells us all to sing together so I'm like "oh ok" and continue to look on with my neighbor.
She then stops us abruptly and yells "Wait a minute! Why do some of you not have your music!!!???"
So I said "because you took mine". She's all like "What did I do?". So I spoke up a little louder and said "you took mine".
We all laughed and she exclaimed "I should be on some sort of ADD meds or something".
The End.
I'm starting to do things like pretend movie characters are my friends again. It's...probably not cool to be doing that...but it's comforting?
~AM
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