Pokemon Master

Yes, I probably should be doing my homework....but why?

I guess I'm having one of those moments within one of those days in which I think to myself "now why on earth do I exist?".

Let's start with going to college. I envy the people who have a goal to work towards. They do pre-med because they want to be doctors. They get a teaching license so they can teach. They do dentist-y stuff to be a dentist. They become a music major to do god knows what.

Me? I just like to know a lot of random stuff I guess. I don't think I can for sure tie myself down to a specific area. I know what areas I would never ever go into. I know of some areas that interest me a bit..but not enough to put my whole life into it. I don't really feel any thing that speaks to me and says "THIS IS YOUR PURPOSE"

There's only been one time in my life that I ever felt that way. I realized it at church and all so I thought for sure...but no. But hey life isn't over yet...and I don't give up easily.

So what if that still is my purpose? Well then I'm doing an awfully crappy job at it. Oh you can only guess at what I thought it was and still mostly hopelessly believe it is. Actually you probably can.

You know what? I'm gonna become a pokemon master. I'm going to catch one of the squirrels here and that shall be my companion. I shall battle other trainers and become the champion.

"What did you major in?"
"I'm a pokemon master"
"oh...well you do you have any job experience?"
"I...well...no you see I've been on the road raising these pokemon and such for most of my life"
"Like a dog breeder or something?"
"well...no...I taught them these moves and they used them against other pokemon...and I won"
"like...a dog trainer?"

hmmm maybe a pokemon master isn't such a realistic plan.

But seriously I need some sort of definite goal to work towards. Not just flyby ones that come and go. I'm one of those people who need a realistic goal.

Maybe it's just the whole idea of college that is stressing me out. Why did my parents spend soooo much money for me to come here? To become an important somebody in the workforce...and for the amount of money they are paying that's what should happen.

I just...I don't know. I don't want to be a highly paid important somebody in one specific area. All I ever wanted was....somebody...and then it didn't matter really what I did. I would have been happy.

Now I'm not happy. So I'm trying to find a substitute thing to make me happy...and it isn't really working.

I'm a hopeless romantic sap.

~AM