It would be so much easier if....Part 2

It would be so much easier if I just accepted whatever various Christian teachers told me without questioning it. That's kinda what I did when during my confirmation classes. Even with things I blatantly disagreed with...I just kinda went along with it. I just...said ok and didn't argue with them.

You want us to believe that some of my friends are going to hell? Whatever. You want us to believe that men and women aren't exactly equal... but they are... but they aren't? What? Whatever. You want us to believe the Bible is entirely the word of God? Sure whatever. You want us to believe we're actually drinking the blood of Jesus and actually eating his body? Yeah ok. Whatever.

It wasn't until the few weeks leading up to my confirmation that I had a realization. Now, this realization wasn't life shattering. Finding out that what age I currently am is NOT the amount of cookies I get to eat was a more life shattering realization.

What I realized was this: I really didn't believe in the teachings of the church. I never really had. What I was doing specifically for confirmation was supposed to help me grow in faith and become a member and blah, but it didn't. I pretty much just did it because...well...people would shun you if you didn't. And my family would NOT be cool about me not being confirmed. So I did it for other people. I went to sunday school because I HAD to. What did I learn in sunday school? Songs that I didn't care for, stories, and the fact that I didn't have friends.

So I got confirmed feeling mighty hypocritical. I then made it my mission to really listen to the sermons and sunday school teachings. I needed to know what the hell I was supposedly a believer of....and question it.

Paying attention to the sermons was probably the worst thing I could have done if wanted to be religious. The sermons, while they mostly started off alright, soon turned in a direction I was not comfortable with.
"God makes tornados and floods and Katrinas happen to good people to remind us who's boss."
"God created man and woman unequally. Our souls are equal, but our roles on earth are different. Man's role is to be the leader. Women must be submissive."
"None of us deserve mercy. We are all sinners because we all come from Adam and Eve. But God, being the merciful God he (ugh patriarchy) is, still forgives us."
"We are being selfish when we don't tell others about Jesus and try to save them. Don't you want your friends to have eternal life?"

It just kept going on and on like that. The more I listened...the more I knew I didn't buy Christianity. I quietly decided it was time for me to stop lying to myself. I wasn't a Christian.

Then I've pretty much told you everything else you need to know about my dissociation with religion in my last post. So, let's fast forward to college.

Now, since I go to a nice lutheran college, it is expected that I take a bible class of sorts. I thought I had a pretty good knowledge base of what was in the Bible. I went to sunday school. I was confirmed. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I purposely took the "Women in the Bible" class...because I knew I didn't know much about that. The Missouri Synod doesn't really care about the women in the Bible.

Now, I didn't go into the class a huge skeptic, nor did I go in expecting to be changed into this fervent believer in Christianity and the Bible's teaching. I went into my religion class kinda hoping that a few questions would be answered and that christianity would be given a more favorable light in my eyes. I already knew I didn't really care for organized religion. But, I was willing to let religion in to my life if it provided a good reason for me to do so.

I thought that finally reading a vast majority of the Bible myself would shed a new light on Christianity. I never expected to be pushed even further away like I was.

My Bible findings in that class are for the final (hopefully) part on this topic though. Just to break it up a bit.

If you have any further questions...go ahead and ask. If you want to debate with me...go ahead. I probably won't really debate back because I'm not trying to convince anybody to think anything. If anything, I'm trying to make you think about what you believe in, and if you really believe it.

~AM