Animal Cracker Induced Thoughts

I'm sitting here. It's late. I'm sitting in my nighttime clothes eating animal crackers in a dimly lit room. It's the time of night that I feel inexplicable rage sometimes. I turn on some Massive Attack and start pondering about life.

I want those damn deer to like me for who I am. To accept me and be my friend. I think that issue extends far beyond the deer though.

I don't care where I live. I don't care what job I have. As long as I can walk in the woods or grasslands somewhere at some point during the day. Nature must be present. Nature is what has always consistently made me the happiest.

Actually, I want to go to Wyoming and stay there for an extended period of time. It's the most beautiful place I have even been to. I would live there but...

distance. I want distance to not be an obstacle for once.

I want to be able to trust people again.

No more brainruin. What I would do to never have my brain destroy another friendship with its paranoid thoughts again...

I want to find someone to love...and have it work out. Doesn't everyone?

I want to be able to stand being alone without internally destroying myself.

I wish all of this anger I had would just go away.

I want to feel free and daring enough to have adventures I've always wanted to have with someone. I want to find the right person to build igloos, see sunsets, tame deer, draw dumb pictures, write silly stories, and go to Chios Greece as well as walk on El Camino Del Rey with me.

I want to see a tornado. Feel it. Fear it. Survive it.

I want a day where plan X can't exist anymore.

I want to be a ninja. A supervillain. A criminal mastermind. I have the potential.

....My head has exploded. Thinking in a coherent manner is not something I can do right now.

~AM