It would be so much easier if...Part 1

It would be so much easier if I had a definitive label for my beliefs about the world and such. Like...Christian or Agnostic. Anything. Because, you know, we humans like to categorize things and make it all nice and organized so we know who to hate and who to be friends with in an easy and concise manner. *smirk*

In regards to religion, everyone usually has a label for themselves. In my case, I'm not sure what label I should give myself. Actually...I don't think I really want a label.

In this 3 part discussion, I will reveal what I believe, what I really don't care for, and what I don't give a rat's ass about.

I do not believe or care about following an organized religion. I don't think anybody has it right. Religions....tend to do more harm than good. It makes more enemies than friends.

This leads me to church services. Christian church services...I can't take them seriously. I feel awkward and confused when I'm there. I've always felt that way for as long as I can remember. Maybe it's the underlying intolerance that I can always sense. I don't remember when I made the transition from "yeah jonah and the whale is a true story" to "yeah it's probably not" though. That is, when I started being more skeptical towards the plausibility of the teachings. All I know is that I don't buy it and it's...just bizarre to me now. Other religious gatherings I think I would find highly interesting...but I don't think they would totally sell me. I'm just interested in other philosophies on life.

Prayer. When I prayed, it was usually an extension of me talking to myself. There was a time when I prayed and believed something could hear me. Then I would just get pissed when stuff wouldn't go right. So, I would just talk to my cat instead. Talking to my cat, I think, was a much healthier practice.I didn't expect anything from her...I just needed someone to rant to. Then she died. So now I just talk to myself or write. Meh. Wishing every 11:11 is the only thing I practice that's even close to praying anymore. It's...basically the same thing when you look at it. Saying something and wondering if anything is really listening...and if it really matters. Kinda like when I write on this blog.

I'm not sure about the whole afterlife thing. I mean, who can really know? So I don't concern myself with that too much. I'd like to think there's something similar to reincarnation. Something like...there's the same amount of souls present on the earth. When food is scarce, predators who die come back as prey and vice versa when food is abundant thus creating a perpetual balancing soul cycle. The trees that humans destroy become humans themselves. Soon an imbalance of how the souls are distributed will cause the collective soul of the earth to deteriorate as it strives and fails to reach homeostasis...-yeah something like that.

I'll go more in depth on the God in the Bible in the next part of this discussion....but I often wonder...if there is a God, and if it is all powerful, why doesn't it use that power and create a better world? So...obviously I don't think there's an all-powerful God. If there is...well that deity doesn't really give a damn now does it?

I don't believe truth can be found all in one book. Especially if that book is the Bible. You could find some forms of truth in there. I just...don't think the Bible is so great that it needs to be the only way. That's just silly. I believe we find truth within ourselves. We find truth in what we experience and learn. We find truth in various places...and it's up to us to find them and recognize them. Yes, it's not very clear on how that all works. But you know, not everything has to be black and white.

I think that is all I'll write for now. Let the controversy begin.

~AM

***I'm trying to make my blog posts super special awesome ultra special sexy again...kinda like they were before I got emo in the middle there. Yeah...that's why there's tech-savvy (not really) stuff in there all of a sudden***

Haze

What wondrous weathery things are happening this summer!

Except nothing has really happened at my house. BUT THE POTENTIAL IS THERE. ha.

Yesterday there was this odd smoke in my neighborhood. I was all "oh people are burning stuff." I continued getting ready to go to my mom's house and didn't think much of it. I stepped outside and I was greeted by the smell my oven has when you turn it on. Which is kinda like gas. I did not approve of this smell. I then freaked out a little ran to my car holding my breath and everything. I was confused by the smoke that smelled like gas. I drove away from my neighborhood. Goodbye suckers.

I turned onto (insert name of road here) and was all driving and stuff. As I came to the top of the hill that overlooked the city....I saw that the whole town was engulfed in this creepy, odd smelling haze. "HOLY SHIT" I said as well as "F**K" (that's what it sounded like....fuhstarstarkay)and panicked a little. WE WERE ALL GOING TO DIE. SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO KILL US ALL. Or so I thought.

I drove through the weird haze suffocating in my car because I refused to turn on the air (the air that comes out of the air conditioner comes from outside you know!). I made it to my mom's house, ran from my car to the house while holding my breath, and brought up the interwebs.

DAMN YOU (insert local news here)! They didn't have any information on the odd smelling haze. My lungs started to hurt. I was DYING! Or just having an unnecessary panic attack. Either way I was DYING. DIDN'T THE NEWS KNOW ABOUT THE POTENTIAL HEALTH HAZARD OUTSIDE!?

Eh after about an hour the website updated and told the people that there was nothing to fear. It was just smoke from Canada. The odd smell? They didn't know. That's just how Canadian smoke smells I guess.

So...I didn't die.

~AM

2010, The year with a summer.

There is something that is currently throwing me into a fit of giggles. I refuse to tell you what. But let me just say....SHIT I forgot how hilarious this stuff is. (Sorry if there are sensitive readers out there...but it's time to face the facts. Swear words work great to get certain points across. I use them, not excessively, but wisely.) No more details. I just wanted you to know that I do, in fact, have a soul.

Let's talk about the summertime. In my past experiences, summertime is a major suckfest. When I was younger, I was a hermit. I'd stay inside all summer and not really see anybody. This was NOT HEALTHY. I was kinda sad and stuff. At least at school I could pretend I had friends or try to actively seek people out. Eh....it was elementary times. I played with my plastic animals/dinosaurs, read a bajillion books and had a semi-decent summer that way.

Then there was middle school. The summers during middle school went like this:
Day 1: "Woo summer is going to be great. I have people's home addresses and phone numbers and I'm gonna go visit them soooo much!"
Day 5: "That's right....I would need a mode of transportation to get to my friend's houses wouldn't I? Dad works all the time....and he doesn't approve of me leaving the house."
Day 16: "No one has really called me yet.....maybe they don't like me."
Day 28: "My life sucks. I hate my life."
Day 33: "Summer makes me feel stabby."
Day 34: "kjlkjflkajkldsaj" *falling into a deep pit of despair and depression over everything*
Day 35: "yay I'm hanging out with someone today!"
Day 36: "yesterday was fun. .... *over-analyze the outing* *conclude that people don't really actually like me because I messed up somehow during the outing*
Day 37: *Back into that pit of despair I go*
Day ???: "I'm going to form multiple personalities to keep me company."

Then I don't remember much after that.

High school summers were just ups and downs and doubting. Mostly doubt though. It was....not the best cup of tea. Especially last summer.

Fun Fact: I found out I'm severely allergic to severe stress. FUN TIMES.

However, I have a good feeling about this summer. I've used up 3 tanks of gas already. This means I've actually done things with my life. I don't really have the money to continue going through gas at that rate...but I DON'T CARE. I'm having a better summer.

I'm hoping this summer will be pretty awesome. So far it has. It should...keep doing that.

I can feel that doubt and paranoia creeping back up again though. It is really not a pleasant feeling. It's unfortunate that these feelings have been mostly right throughout my life as well.

Bah. Maybe I'm just hungry and missing the delicious and oh-not-so-cheap college food. We had a catering service bitches! (What? You are offended by my swearing? Calm down. I did not really mean that you all are bitches. It's just an ending to a sentence in this case. It's like an underlined exclamation point.) I really do miss that food though. So much variety!

Or maybe I just really have paranoia. I really need to get on solving that.

oh and...I'm sorry that I was so sassy to my more sensitive viewers.

~AM