Leo the Goddamn Lion

Guess who got Netflix in her life again? This person. And so, the time has come for me to watch stupid children's movies and suffer for entertainment purposes. I don't know why I can't just be a normal person and watch Stranger Things or 13 Reasons Why like everybody else. No. I fill up my queue with stupid shit. 

Today we are examining: Leo the Lion.

Now this is not a mainstream bad movie (yet) and I only know about it because of an awesome tipster I have. So we'll see what this is all about.

hoooo boy where to even start with this trash? The animation is super freaking bad and awkward. Here we go. The Narrator tells me that Leo the Lion is super special because he is.. a vegetarian. And the reason for that is actually quite interesting in that THEY NEVER GIVE A REASON WHY. Eugh, the mama lion is licking Leo right now and I'm really uncomfortable by the licking noise the SFX people went with. Like seriously, you couldn't find a better sound for that?

The Characters:

Leo the Lion: Our hero. Again, he's a vegetarian for reasons that are never explained. He looks really...emaciated.

Uncle Lope: Uncle f**king Lope. He's this old ass antelope that is the self-described "comedic relief", but he straight up sucks. He has dentures that fly out every once in a while, but inconsistently so. Also he has a stutter sometimes, and then drops it randomly. Did Uncle Lope raise Leo? Do they even have a history before the event of this movie? The moving montage towards the end of this movie, that only consists of every scene he was a part of in the movie, suggests not.

Savanna: She's the Elephant Queen who has twin baby elephants. Her husband, Eli Phant....no, I'm not joking. His name is Eli Phant. Anyway, Eli was shot up by poachers and taken to the "place called Zoo" but I think they killed him. Like I'm pretty sure. She does nothing for the first half of the movie, but then decides to take action, and then ends up doing nothing.

Twin baby elephants: They have names, they just say it like once, and I don't remember. They have a fixation on Leo being their father. Also, their tails are tied together. Get it? Because... of a reason?

Maximus Elephante: He's the bad Albino Elephant. He has rocking theme music every time he is in frame. His whole goal is to marry Savanna and have power. He likes the size of his...tusks.

Various Baby Animals: There's a zebra, a leopard/cheetah, and a monkey. They all are mostly pointless. They were all "rescued" and are being taken to "a safe place". The only one I know that has a name is the Monkey, Nanu, because they say his name ALL THE TIME. To hell with the other guys, am I right?

So the premise of this movie is that Leo is born a vegetarian Lion and that doesn't really affect him whatsoever I guess. We have a scene of him hunting with his mother for a Zebra when his mom falls off a cliff into a river a la Mufasa in the Lion King. Then, as his mom tumbles down the river, she tells Leo to "Find the Heart of the Jungle"  then she hurtles down a waterfall and we see her hit every. single. rock. on. the. way. down. GET IT KIDS? SHE'S DEAD. Years(?) later, Leo finds Savanna the Elephant in the Jungle when she gives birth to baby elephant twins. The twins wander off with Leo and a fire separates Leo and the babies from Savanna. In the aftermath of the fire, Leo and Uncle Lope round up the other baby animals and decide this is the perfect time to head for the mysterious Heart of the Jungle his mother mentioned. So they basically kidnap these children and lead them away from their families. Maximus makes a deal with Savanna that if he finds her babies, she will have to marry him. She agrees, and he sets off trying to track down where that scumbag Leo went because I guess he hates him now?

Things That Bothered Me:
-The mouths never match up to the speech. Ever. My guess is that this is originally in another language.
-We have to listen to licking sounds and panting sounds coming from the lions hunting and I feel like I need to explain to my neighbors I'm watching a children's movie.
-They talk about how bullied Leo was by everyone, and all we ever see of that in this movie is a few lions teasing him for five seconds. Everyone else has the reaction of "who gives a crap"when told he is a vegetarian.
-THE NARRATOR STRAIGHT UP JUST SWITCHES TO A DIFFERENT CHARACTER FOR NO REASON.
-HAHAHA they just showed me a flashback of what just happened not even a minute ago in the movie to emphasize Uncle Lope and Leo's friendship.  Because I'm dumb and can't remember something that happened literally two seconds ago.
-Monkeys in Rastafarian hats because why not. Let's not explain that at all either.
-Oh my god. Ok. So. Savanna is making these "in labor noises" and she is stepping on Leo's foot so he is making "in pain noises" at the same time. Again neighbors, I'm watching a children's movie!
-Um, is Leo flirting with Savanna...or....???
-Narrator future Uncle Lope is narrating how future old Leo is narrating the story?????? What the hell is going on????
-The baby elephants think Leo is their dad, and excessively use the word "daddy" for the entire rest of the time.
-Random chaos in the middle of a musical number. Now I'm lost and bored.
-Leo gets ditched by his roving band of children and interacts with all these stupid side characters for a while before they join up again and when is this movie done.
-Now there is an elephant graveyard. You don't seriously think I'm like "wha...I must be watching LION KING right now! That's for sure!"
-Oh my god they made all of the Heyenas sound like a bad Cheech imitation.
-I'm so tired of hearing these baby animals talk and laugh and fight and just being dumb.
- I don't know what just happened, a cut scene? missing dialogue? but I think Leo and Uncle Lope just had a stroke.
-OKAY. The the baby animals are all getting hungry and they need milk. Uncle Lope and Leo have a plan that involve the phrases: "The zebra will not give it freely!" And "We will corner her with a little deal". Uncle Lope distracts a mother Zebra while Leo sneaks up and surprises her. She's squealing, he's basically on top of her and says "Now let's...cool it down." Like what the actual f**k am I watching? Evidently, the baby zebra is her daughter and they hold her as collateral while...the other baby animals drink her milk? AND THERE'S THE ZEBRA NIPPLES WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
-Fake-out "Heart of the Jungle" is disappointing to the children, but honestly, it is WAY better than the reveal of the actual Heart of the Jungle
-Pointless Chameleon is pointless.

Things That I Liked:
-They make the Zebras just have this panicked screaming noise when they are chased/about to die and it is kind of hilarious.
-Maximus tripping out on tranquilizers and then seeming to apologize for his part in the poacher's taking Eli away (but...huh? How did he? What?) and then instantly forgetting that and going back to evil business.
-That's it.

Bad Songs Featured:

All of them. The same backing track is played for like half of them.

The first musical number comes twenty minutes in, and it's trying really hard to be a really rocking number. Maximus sings about how great it is to be "white and cruel". It ends with a visual rip-off from Scar's song "Be Prepared" with marching Nazi Elephants.

Some bullshit song about friendship that is bland and they don't even sing to the beat half the time.And then they just stop singing but the music keeps going?

I thought another song was starting with the Lady Elephants...and they were dancing, but it's like they forgot to sing?

A Stupid Chameleon song even more sloppy and not sung to the beat.

The ending features an out of place song about how Leo is a vegetarian and this song has been stuck in my head for DAYS.

The Thrilling Conclusion:

So they make it to the Heart of the Jungle. Which is actually in the middle of the desert, in a cave, and it's just a boring pool of contaminated-looking water. The ride a rainbow of...courage (?) to get there. The Chameleon keeps the leopard and monkey babies to raise as her own (?) and then after everyone spent a whole 30 seconds at the whole point of the movie she transports the twins, Leo, and Uncle Lope outta there and says bye bye. So that was just pointless as hell. Then Uncle Lope ditches Leo and stays at the fake Heart of the Jungle.

Maximus comes to take the twin elephants away. Leo reveals *gasp* he's not the elephant twins' dad! SHOCKER. And that the babies should go with Maximus and he mopes away back to Uncle Lope. Uncle Lope gets pissed that Leo just left the children with a *gasp* traitor of the herd! A confrontation occurs when Savanna shows up and there's a big misunderstanding blah blah blah Savanna thinks Leo is evil and wants to eat her babies even though she had no previous reason to believe so. A FIGHT. UNCLE LOPE DIES. THE WHOLE MOVIE FLASHES BEFORE OUR EYES. Seriously, it's the worst "dead character's best moments" montage I've ever seen.

But then he's okay and he and Leo set out to...get the babies? Stop the wedding?

Wedding is crashed. Leo reveals the truth to Savanna that he's a vegetarian. And that he LOVES her children and that they call him Daddy (red flag). Leo also reveals Maximus betrayed Eli by pushing him and making sure the poachers caught him. A fight, a really boring fight, despite the wailing guitar riffs, occurs. Then Maximus gets caught by the poachers yaaayyy!

We then pan out and we see an old Leo is narrating the story by using this magical screen that showed the whole movie. We pan out further and we see he is talking to HIS MONSTROSITY ELEPHANT LION HYBRID CHILDREN HOLY HELL. KILL THEM WITH FIRE. I'M DONE.

Final Note: There is an excessive and uncomfortable usage of the word "Daddy" in this movie. And a Lion and an Elephant hook up because of it.

~AM

A Rant About Rants

I haven't fully exercised this part of my brain/ personality in a while. So I apologize if I am rusty.

Back in the day, I used to hold daily rants during the lunch hour at school. To be honest,  I don't know why so many people listened to me because I was raving lunatic. I really think it went to my head sometimes too. I knew I could rant about pretty much anything and my friends would be my willing/unwilling audience. Let me be clear, these rants were definitely for entertainment value. I find this is the only way I can express my opinion: mostly insincerely.

I had quite the range of topics I would talk about, and to this day I don't know what I said 95% of the time. You tell me.

The variety was impressive, from what I can recall.

I had the inspirational: "Band people think they are better than us Orchestra people, but really we're all losers TOGETHER",

The dramatic: "The Miss Teen Pageant had a suspicious letter addressed to my HOMEROOM and I will be running some tests on the envelope for poisonous substances tonight",

The crazy fanatic: "Orcas are deceitful and they are planning a secret take over of the world",

The more conspiracy-fueled: "I think I have a secret relative who was a nazi and here is my totally not made up evidence",

and the reoccurring themed "Let's explore the inner psyche of my mind and see how really crazy this conversation gets!".

As I grew older, I used this blog to rant about random things. I still had lunchroom rants at college though, most of them themed either "Maybe everyone rolls their eyes at Environmental Studies majors because sometimes we act like pretentious jerks" or "Can't everyone just realize we are all losers TOGETHER??!!"

Those were the days. When ranting about stuff wasn't the THING to do. Now everybody is ranting, and not in the funny, slightly insincere way that I like to do that makes people laugh AND think ( I think, again, inflated ego). Everyone has an opinion and a tirade to go on, and we are all super f**king serious, bro. And so, slowly, I stopped voicing my opinions in an entertaining light. Because there are many, many opinions to wade through. And my rants are probably offensive to humans because I exploit their terrible behaviors to make others laugh. Am I'm tasteless and don't remember what I'm saying when I'm in a rant state of mind.

If my high school self were to know that I stopped ranting about dumb stuff that doesn't matter on a daily basis, she would have become possessed with a dark entity and spewed forth a rant so meta and terrible, that she would have DIED.

But no, the ranting market is way over-saturated. Everybody's doing it, and it's no longer fun. It's made me feel hollow and meaningless on my quest to provide some sort of odd joy in this world.

To be fair, there's a hefty amount of serious shit hitting the fan these days, and kudos to people who are trying to make this world a better place by having their super serious rants about the state of the union. You do you.  But that just ain't my style. Never was, never will be. I. physically. can't. be. serious. about. opinions.

And so, I am slowly making my return to the world of rant. Because the market for utterly insane incoherent ranting isn't over-saturated y- ....oh wait. um. NEVER MIND. THAT SEEMS TO BE COVERED. And all you super serious coherent meaningful rant people have the rest.

So that leaves entertaining rants, which I think is pretty much all of youtube now so...

Whatever man. I'll get my groove back.

Songs you didn't know I liked PART 2

I've been gone a long time. I'm going to ease back into writing with a little list. You can read the first iteration of this post here.

Get Back- Ludacris: I don't know what it is about this song that I like other than I like to shout "GET BACK MOTHERF****R YOU DON'T KNOW ME LIKE THAT at people.

Capital G- Nine Inch Nails: Now I love Nine Inch Nails in general. NIN saved me in college. But why this song? There are loads more better than this. There's just something fun about reciting the opening lyrics to unsuspecting people out of context and sounding really philosophical. (I'm sensing a theme).

The Beautiful People- Marilyn Manson: Tyler likes to point out that literally no one would suspect I listen to ANY song by Marilyn Mason. I would agree, this one is pretty left field for me. But damn, this is a great song to angry air guitar to.

Fairytale- Alexander Rybak: Here is one that I'm really embarrassed about. This is some sappy EuroVision shit that I can't get enough of. It's like an alcohol-free Applebee's specialty drink drinking song.

Womanizer-Britney Spears: What I would give to actually be good at dancing. This song always gets me thinking I'm a Pop Star when, if I were to video record myself lip-syncing and dancing to this song, which I certainly have not, I would be disappointed in the unflattering footage of myself.

'93 Me and Fred and Dave and Ted- The Magnetic Fields: The singer in this band always sounds like he's just depressed as shit and that his own voice is boring the hell out of himself. But I learned all of the lyrics to this song in 2 hours upon hearing it.

From the Pinnacle to the Pit- Ghost B.C.: Even though King Diamond scared the crap out of me, I find the characters that make up Ghost B.C. delightfully and charmingly frightful. Despite the fact the band is made up of nameless ghouls and a satanic priest, they aren't actually satanists. But sure, this is my Hail Satan jam.

Bodies-Drowning Pool: I love this song because all I can imagine is my brother rollerblading to this song in gym class.

Here We Go-Bassnectar: I think the house/dub/whatever genre has some real potential to sound cool. Unfortunately it's usually quite repetitive, uses small child voice samples a little too often, and is quite unimaginative. However, I can respect the really nice bass-drop in this song.

Copabana- Barry Manilow: I could be dying of some terrible illness and I bet I'll still dance to the entirety of this song if played. Please keep playing this at wedding receptions. Thanks.

Young and Directionless

What do I even write? Where do I even write?

Since I killed this blog, I started a couple of "spin-off" blogs that I thought would host my "real" writing. I thought this blog was too...fake? I'm not even sure. My feelings were very real here. My voice is very clear in all of these posts. I must have been embarrassed by the content. I seemed too young and directionless. The writing seemed too easy. I didn't feel like I was working hard enough. The blog of the self seems too narcissistic and pointless.

So I started Fiendish Hooves and then later Sustainable Stories to do my real, hard writing. Fiendish Hooves also served as a platform to practice my drawing skills and to move away from the "juvenile" mediocre paint drawings. I guess I was just too good for AM in the Morning.

After the initial first posts that inspired the themes of each respective blog, it felt like a chore to crank out posts I thought people would enjoy reading. That's the problem right there: I was trying too hard to please You.

Don't get me wrong: I'm proud of the posts that came out of all that hard work. I did enjoy the finished product when I finally got around to it. The problem is, I'm obviously not motivated enough to keep up either blog. Unfortunately. I think they are both swell ideas and could really go somewhere, but I just can't seem to get into it.

So now I'm wondering if I should go back to writing the "easy" vapid stuff on this blog....if only to get me writing more often again. I feel guilty, even now, at the thought of not putting time into another Fiendish Hooves or a Sustainable Story. Those are what the people like! They might make me famous! I get to show off my craft of telling a story! It's funny! And so on and so on.

So is writing supposed to be easy or hard? And should I have the reader in mind, or should I write for myself, and be thrilled if someone out there just so happens to think I also wrote it for them? I'm so troubled by these questions.

One thing I'm fairly certain about is that I'm clearly over-thinking the whole realm of writing.

G(od help me)-Force

I don't know why I put myself through this. I should have stopped watching after 5 minutes. It was at this point I said to myself  "ahahahahahaaaaa it's a talking guinea pig! Shoot me."

The beginning was really slow. There was a lot of military talk I didn't listen to. The only thing I caught was the the guinea pig knew what kind of underwear the bad guy was wearing! Ha! Technology these days.

So what I gathered of the plot was that there was this evil scheme involving kitchen appliances and shopping. Sounds more like a womans problem and less like a guinea pigs problem to me. But there's something about extermination of the human race somehow involved with all this...I didn't pay attention.

So we got this team of guinea pigs and company (trained by Zach Galafalfkjslf) trying to prove to the government that they are just as good as human agents. I don't really remember their names but there is:

Mole: he's the typical computer nerd. the real core of the team. shy.
Fly: camera crew. doesn't talk. thank god.
Commander: the lead guinea pig. not much more character.
Latina Tease: the guinea pig who leads everyone on and is sassy. that's it.
Black Guinea Pig: now when I say "black" I mean that's what color he was... but it could also refer to the stereotype placed upon him. Some of his lines include: "lemme acks him" "pimp my ride" "tick...tick....boom" "let's get this party started riiiiight" etc. seriously.  
Oaf: guinea pig they met in a pet shop. he farts. a lot. *sigh*


There are also human characters...but they are pretty unimportant.


The basic plot involves too much explaining. I don't care to explain this movie too much. I'm not sure what to tell you. The guinea pigs want to stop evil. Government agents trying to capture them because they know too many secrets is a subplot. umm...something like that.

Here are some things I wrote while watching the movie:
-oh for god's sake...one of the goddamn guinea pigs is on facebook updating her status.
-How the f*** do you mess up a download!? Seriously! Stupid guinea pigs.
-The old "they're...um...they're... invisible! OMG they're EVERYWHERE!" trick worked really well on those government agents! Jesus Christ.
-Wait...why do the government agents want to kill the guinea pigs again? Oh right. Because they're annoying.
-commander: "cool it guys! The world is at stake!" oh shut up. Please. Die.
- The line "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" was just used after Oaf guinea pig farted. You're welcome Apocalypse Now.
-"He's sensitive" is just a nice way of saying "that hamster over there is really Canadian".
-They keep playing "I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night" at stupid times. Which is all the time.
-It's 26 minutes into the movie and even their spy fly is trying to kill himself.
- Grandfather to child about mole: "That's a hideous crime against nature I'd say!" Ouch.
-What kind of DEMONIC child picks up a guinea pig in the pet store and lobs him across the room into the snake tank!?
-Now we're learning spanish!
-I bet the mole didn't really die in the garbage truck. I'll bet we'll see him again and he'll save the day. Just a thought.
-Why are they using cockroach spies? They're not cute. They are disgusting.
-Stupid Subplot Alert: The newly encountered Oaf thinks the Commander is his brother. aaaannd now he wants to come along. Well great.
-It's always the Canadians fault. 
-So the evil guy has never seen his business partner who also insists upon masking his voice during conference calls. I think we've found the real villain here. It's HAL.
-Wait....what did Oaf just say? He wants a hot canadian girlfriend? Why would you want that? Why are we talking about Canada again!?
-We're halfway through the movie and I don't give a rat's ass about the plot anymore.
-Ladies and Gentlemen, I just witnessed a coffee machine turn into a robot and start slicing things.
-THE BIG SHOCKER: Zach Galafaghklsgjlf lied to the guinea pigs! They're not genetically engineered! They're normal! Oh noes!
-Commander found out he was the runt and now he feels insignificant. But whatever. It's not like he's talking and going on spy missions or anything. ugh. This underdog thing is NOT working at all! He's not an underdog! None of them are!
-Ok...one of the guinea pigs went to WEST POINT. Case closed.
-I swear to god if there's another fart joke....
-There is no way those agents survived that horrific crash into an RV. But they did.
-Now we're back to questioning who Latina Tease likes better. There was no conclusion on this matter.
-HE PUSHED THE BUTTON! OH GOD! THE SATELLITES ARE MOVING! SOMETHING ABOUT A VIRUS.
-All the kitchen appliances are turning into a....a......a transformer?
-All the women died. Or so I assume. They're the only ones who are in the kitchen with those killer appliances.
-Oaf is in the microwave. Yeah. No one wants to see him explode.
-WTF I didn't see that coming at all! The evil business partner was Mole! That does not fit his character at all. Maybe it's his cousin? Seriously. They're just throwing that crap out there like it all fits together BUT IT DOESN'T.  F*** you G-Force.
-oh ok so we should have seen that because the business partner's name was Japanese for "mole". Ugh. Thanks for making me feel like a stupid American. Jerks.
-How much you want to bet Oaf saves the day?
- "We're your family!" is the lamest argument ever considering Mole's real family was kinda exterminated and that's why he wants to kill everyone with kitchen appliances...but I guess Mole bought it. Now he's back to being the quiet, reserved, docile... nerdy geek. I think he's bipolar.
-Oaf appears to be dead. That cake is awfully close to his head. Any minute now he's gonna pop back to life like a Hun in the snow. Yep. He's alive.
-THE THRILLING CONCLUSION: They all get badges. Loose metaphor about family.
- a dance party starts.... I'm done with this movie.

I was going to draw pictures for this...but this movie doesn't deserve my art. I'm also really irritated that I wasted time on this. Even Beverly Hills Chihuahuas was better than this.

~AM

My Wild and Crazy New Year's Eve

I imagine you might be wondering what shenanigans I got into on New Year's Eve. No? I figured as much.

I'll still tell you anyway.

Well first off, I obviously sat around and worked on that last blog post for half of the day. Mediocre paint drawings don't just happen. After that, well, that's when things got really crazy.

Right away I hopped into bed with my Nook and we went for a wild ride 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea!

Then, exhausted from that, I stumbled down the stairs to watch the ball drop....TWICE. 

After having a glass of root beer, I was ready to party. I got out a decorative stand that shines many colors and had a solo dance party! It was off the ****ing chain!

Things started to get a little weird after that though.

I ended up hugging myself to sleep around 1:30am. I'm such a goof!

So, that's how I spent my New Year's Eve!

~AM

Bears. Sweets. Fullmetal Alchemist.

This year, like all of my years of existence, had a lot of stuff happen and was filled with many adventures. I will spare you all by not doing a month by month, "let's relive the entire year" thing. I'm sure I will talk about the events that transpired this year at various times. It's just preferable by many that I don't talk about it all at once.

So generally, the year 2010 was similar to how my break went.

It started off really sexy and awesome:

Then it ended with me trapped in a vortex of things that plague me sometimes:

In between all that I ate food and hung out with people. Some ninja stuff too. The End.

One thing I've noticed this break is that when I'm at college, I have this grand illusion of my life being generally alright. I feel pretty awesome. Sometimes I even have a bit of an ego and say to myself  "I am probably prettier than 10 people on this campus!".

However, when I journey back to my hometown, I am filled with a lot of unexplained rage and this tremendous desire to worry about everything. That's how I end up in that vortex. Maybe I'm on the internet too much during break.

 
I did also consume a plethora of cookies, candy and pretty much any sort of chocolate I could get my little hands on. I'm sure that does something to your brain. Whatever the cause, it made me have insomnia for a few days. There was seriously a night I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes I had this vision of a grizzly bear mauling me.

Ahhh sleep deprived hallucinations are the best.

So, to combat these feelings, I usually drown myself in the latest show I've discovered. Right now, that show would be Fullmetal Alchemist. I admit with great shame that Fullmetal Alchemist was one of those things I pretended I had seen so I could fit in with my coworkers and friends who talked about anime. Now I don't have to pretend any longer! I really wish I had gotten around to watching it before though. It's quite the awesome show. Edward reminds me of myself when I was a young lad. Except I wasn't a lad.

I like how my ponytail keeps getting longer. *waggles eyebrows* I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.

Well friends, I'm tired of trying to keep you entertained this year. I promise I'll come back next year though. I'll be armed with more silly drawings like this gem I found today:

~AM

Vexatious Poetry

I’m very sorry I haven’t been productive,

My capacity to succeed has vanished in vain

Washed away in a sea of pity, all reason has left

You see, I’ve been on a vagabond voyage of sorts

Traveling and traversing in the scenes of memories past

Never knowing what vision I will venture into

Wavering in feelings that have long deceased

These virulent adventures are my weakness, my vice

Believing I still have much to review, to discover

I relive my travails, vexations, and every crisis

Questioning the investments I’ve made in friendships

Or whether my quality of undying loyalty is an annoyance

Always hoping a truth will somehow be revealed

I swear I’m not crazy, but no one will vouch for me

Particularly those who live in present and never history

For these are the people who are most venerable

These are the people who succeed

And I, a sorry vagrant, pleading for vindication,

Having been deceived into thinking peace came easily,

Am the victim of inadequacy.

~AM

Chemistry Lab

~AM

Creative Writing

In case you wanted to know what crazy stuff I'm writing for my creative writing class...here's a sample:

Ruby turned on the stove and pulled her long blonde hair back into a ponytail. She never liked cooking with her hair down. No matter how irrational it was, she had a fear of her hair catching on fire. Carefully rolling up the sleeves on her sweater, so those didn’t catch on fire as well, she peered into the living room where Zak was quietly playing with his plastic animals and dump truck. His little 4 year old face was stern as he softly talked to his animals and carefully placed them into the dump truck in a neat row. Ruby smiled at his puzzling mind and went back into the kitchen. She grabbed a box of colored wagon wheels pasta off the shelf and waited for the water to boil. 

Small feet, almost like the soft padded paws of a dog, plodded into the kitchen. 

“Mommy, there’s a car coming down the driveway! Is it Uncle Ben?” He grabbed her belt and looked at her with electrified eyes

Ruby frowned “No…I don’t think so….” She walked around to the living room window. Driving down the long driveway was a black Mercedes. “Shit.” She quickly spun around so as not to be visible from the outside. She edged away and quickly made her way back to the kitchen. In one fluid movement she shut off the stove and crouched down in the corner of the kitchen behind the island and pulled Zak close.

“Mommy who-“

“Shh! You need to be quiet now ok?” she whispered.

Zak smiled and giggled.“Is it Uncle Ben? Are we playing hide and go seek?” He bounced up and down on her lap.

“Shh! Mommy needs you to be quiet right-“ A sudden sharp knock at the door cut her off. Ruby brought Zak close to her as the knocking grew louder and more impatient. Zak whimpered into her shoulder. 

“It’s ok.” She ran her fingers through the loose curls he got from his father. 

The knocking stopped and all that could be heard was the muffled voices of two men and a large envelope being shoved through the bottom of the door. It slid across the hardwood floor menacingly. Ruby strained to hear what the men were saying.

“I know she is. I made sure.” One man flustered. 

“Then keep a close eye on the house” commanded the other. 

Car doors slammed and the engine started up as the black Mercedes made its way out of the driveway. Ruby set Zak beside her. 

“I want you to sit here ok?” 

Zak brought his knees up to his chest. “ok”

Ruby crawled towards the front door on her hands and knees to where the envelope lay on the floor. She sat on the floor and opened up the envelope and found a letter attached to newspaper clippings and photos. Zak got on all fours and started to crawl towards her, growling softly.

 Ruby glanced through the letter and flipped through some of the clippings and photo. She started to stuff them back into the envelope when Zak rushed towards her crying “woof woof!” He growled and grabbed hold of one of the photos.

“Zak stop that! Don’t!” She tried to snatch it away but he already had it. 

“The wolf caught the Elk!” He cried as he held the photo up triumphantly. His eyes quickly scanned over his prize. His face squinted and he cocked his head sideways. “Is this a picture of you ?”

Ruby grabbed the photo and shoved it back into the envelope with the others. “Zak I need you to listen to me ok? We’re going to go on a trip. Can you go pick out some toys you want to bring?”

“Yay yay yay!” Zak ran into the living room and started stacking his animals into a plastic container in neat little rows. “We’re going on a trip!” Ruby's chest grew tight as he whispered excitedly into each of the animals fixed ears. “We’re going on a trip!”

Ruby threw the envelope on the kitchen table and pulled a small key from her pocket. She walked towards the basement door and unlocked it. Her hand shaking, she slowly opened the door.

So....yeah.

~AM