My Mind Has Decided It Doesn't Like Me

I'm not well. Once again, I'm not well.

Even though things are going fine oh I'm not well.

I feel tired all the time yet I'm unable to sleep. The silence only amplifies the thoughts in my head. Day by day the thoughts have been getting louder and louder.

I can no longer repress them. I can no longer tell myself they are a figment of my imagination. My mind doesn't believe me anymore.

I don't understand why, why I must think like this. It just happens. Things may be going swell but I don't feel well.

I go through every scenario...every possible thing that could go wrong. I don't know why. Perhaps my mind wants to be prepared for every situation...to brace itself.

I wonder why I can't just be happy things are going well instead of worrying about what the future may bring.

I want to just be happy and continue to be happy. But no. I worry. I doubt. I become paranoid. My mind thinks too much. I wishes to destroy my happiness.

But then, my mind usually makes a good point most of the time...which doesn't help. I'm afraid it will be mostly right again.

I don't feel motivated to do much. I need a hug or something.

~AM