Scrambled Eggs

This year I have learned that scrambled eggs are, in fact, delicious. I don't remember why I stopped eating eggs in the first place. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with me?

And so, for my creative writing class, I wrote a piece about my scrambled egg eating experience:

I look at the scrambled eggs.  No, it’s a clump of eggs. I pick up my fork and poke at the egg clump. It jiggles. I start to furiously chop up the clump of egg with my fork. Smaller and smaller the pieces get. I was past the scrambled egg stage; I was getting down to a molecular level. Once I was satisfied at the tiny bits of egg scattered about my plate, I gave them one final mash. I add one dash….4 dashes of salt. I tentatively scrape up some egg molecules and bring them near my mouth. I bit down on the fork. I chewed on the scrambled egg and swallowed. The salted scrambled eggs were like glorious yellow suns. 

My writing group found it hilarious. My self esteem went up a few points that day. Good for me.

In other news, I am....alive. I'm sitting on my bed and living. I guess. I am hopefully not bothering anyone too much with my existence. 

You know, I was sitting at dinner tonight pondering my possibly bothersome existence. I even started looking around and making sure my loneliness wasn't distracting anyone. You never now....seeing a moderately attractive girl eating alone might bother some people. They start to spend their time thinking about why on earth I would be eating alone instead of enjoying their burrito or pork sandwich. Is there something wrong with me? Am I a crazed sociopath? I assure you, I am not. On this particular night, I ate alone because I needed to eat fast and get back to doing homework. Still, people might be troubled by a moderately attractive girl who may or may not be a sociopath that eats fast. Am I behind on my stalking schedule? Am I a hyena? Again, I assure you that neither of those things were the case. I simply had homework to attend to. I was finally being productive for once. I wasn't going to let a little thing like dinner slow me down.

Other than checking out the flooding, that's about it really. 

See ya later, yeah?

~AM

It would be so much easier if....Part 3

 So hey... this took a while to finish up. Also....100th post. Party.

Anyways, it would be so much easier if I liked The Bible. I don't like The Bible. Well okay. I'll be more specific. There are a lot of books in The Bible that kinda suck. Others, like the gospels, are actually alright.

As a whole though, I don't like The Bible.

I think Jesus would forgive me for saying that. I would like to think he didn't care for a majority of the Bible that much. God? He would probably not forgive me. Family? Well let's hope they don't know how to use the internet.

Right. So if you remember from my last post about this, I was in a bible class. In this class, I kinda thought that I would have to do some outside critical thinking because I assumed that it was going to be like sunday school or confirmation where they dodge a lot of questions or give the usual "well...God loves everyone and wants everyone to believe in him" type of answers. I thought they would do to me what I once did to small Vacation Bible School Childen: super brainwashing. To my surprise and relief, the professor I had encouraged critical thinking and criticizing what the Bible said. Dangerous waters for some indeed! Not for me.

What I found in the Bible were truly horrific stories. It's...graphic. There's rape, war, abuse....lots of terrible stuff. Maybe that's old news. For those of you who believe the Bible is the word of god, I invite you to read  Judges 19. Maybe you skipped that part. I don't know WTF god would be trying to convey through that story...but if that is inspired word of some sort of god....I really don't want to be a part of that.

Second of all, the god in the Bible doesn't seem like a cool cat AT ALL. He tells his people that foreigners are bad. He tells his people to go to some lands, kill the native people, and claim it as their own because that's the promised land. Intolerant stuff like that. There are explanations like "oh that whole hating foreigners thing was just so they could preserve their small Israelite culture!" Yeah no. God said no murdering. Then he tells them to go kill people. Right.

If you're looking for writing that is more contradictory than some facebook status updates, then take a look at God in the book of Job. He makes a bet with the Devil (yeah! I know!) to see how far he can push Job before he gets mad and curses God's name. So God does super shitty stuff to Job like...killing all his children and burning his crops and telling Job's wife to jog on. THEN God gets super pissed when Job is all "WTF GOD? Pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong. WHY DID YOU KILL MY ENTIRE FAMILY?!". God's response? "Who in god's name do you think you are? You're not special! pssssh. Don't question me! BAD BOY! You don't know anything....about anything! I think you learned your lesson." Seriously guys. Read Job.

The part that REALLY bothers me...are the passages that could be used to justify horrible things. There's one book where God is portrayed as the husband, and Israel is the wife. God abuses Israel...and the prophet writing it is like "yeah....we deserved it because we were whores. We tried to be friends with foreigners and stuff...and that was bad of us." So God is allowed to punish Israel while claiming "this hurts me more than it does you". Meanwhile, the prophet takes the metaphor too far and applies it to his own marriage. Hooray. That's not the worst part of this book though. The worst part of it is that since people believe these are inspired by the divine, they can go ahead and justify abusing women with those passages. I read articles about abused women where their husbands would point to those specific passages in the Bible to justify their actions...and the women were all like "oh...well I guess if God says it's okay...." NO! GAH! 

Stuff like that bothered me a lot.

What did I like about the Bible? The Gospel of Mark and John. That's where you got the "let's break the social norms and just love everyone!" Jesus.

But then that whole "JESUS WAS SACRIFICED" crap comes into play after that as well as Paul and his LIES. I don't want to get into that.

 Jesus was just a guy who wanted to change the world. Some (probably rich) people thought that being equal was a terrible idea and killed him off.  The end. He's not a sacrifice for anything. He just got killed because he had radical, society changing ideas. That's what happens. Ok, if he WAS a sacrifice....then god is pretty twisted. Um....Abraham being told to sacrifice his son? Anybody?

I also like Proverbs because (are you sitting down?) God is a "she" in that one. Blasphemy! (okay you can stand up again). Revelations has dragons so.... it's automatically cool.

The main reason I don't like The Bible is because...a lot people don't realize what it really is. The Bible is a library, not a book, and since there are many authors (let's be real people...) there are MANY contradictions. So....it just seems silly to try and have a definitive religion based off of it.

These were the truths that were revealed to me.

~AM

Dino Friend

Some people just piss me off. Especially when they humiliate me in public.

So there's this guy I met last year who seemed like a pretty cool guy. We'll use "Dino Friend" as his name (mmk hobbesjobs?). I first knew him as "that one guy I respect because he smokes a pipe" and he thought I was a Junior Counselor in our dorm because I was always alone. We met through our mutual disliking of formal dances. We found each other to be awesome. We sat up in the lounge and protested while everyone else left to go to some dance. We tried to make a fireball out of creamer like they did on Mythbusters, stuck a bike up in a tree, discussed the dangers of velociraptors, laughed at how pathetic the people were by going to the dance etc. The next day he got me to switch chemistry sections so I would be in the same class as him, we shared some tea and he convinced me to write that dinosaur article I wrote for the newspaper. The next two days he showed me his world of his epic dinosaur drawings, super smash brothers, awesome movies and smoking pipes. It was a swell life.

Then something happened. He started ignoring me. I don't know what the hell I did. Things seemed to be going really well and he greatly enjoyed my company. I even got a "You'd better stalk me *wink*" so he obviously passed that test. Then all of a sudden....I just felt unwelcome. I would see him and he'd just pretend I wasn't there. This was not a gradual thing. This was a bam bam shabam very next day thing.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH ZOOLANDER TOGETHER.

Whatever. He got girlfriend over the summer. Pssh.

The story does not end there my friends. Oh no. I got back to campus and Dino Friend gives me this big smile when he sees me and says "hi" and whatnot as we passed by each other. So I decided to try one last time to clarify what the hell was going on with our friendship.

Today, right before the chemistry class that he got me to switch into so we could be in the same class together, I saw him. He was standing at the counter of this little cafe. I started walking up to him. He noticed me and made eye contact with me as I was walking towards him. Usually, that means "hey, a familiar face. We're gonna chat a bit when they get over to me." Yeah? So I walk up to him and say "hi Dino Friend!" (except I said his real name). He says "oh hey" and then turns to this other girl and starts this lengthy conversation. So that's it. He's decided not to talk to me. REJECTED. I obviously walked over there just to chat with him so I was just standing there awkwardly. I started staring at the tea selection the cafe has as if that was the actual reason why I came over there. One problem, I obviously was not thinking about getting tea because I was holding a cup of hot chocolate. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally walked away in great shame.

*sad face*

~AM

I'm so AWESOME-....never mind

Maybe it's because I sit up in the balcony and stare down at people when I eat, but I tend to develop a habit of feeling superior to everyone here every once and a while. I walk around like I'm the best thing that ever happened to this campus sometimes. For once, I feel as though people who aren't friends with me are either stupid or just intimidated by me. It's quite the difference from my usual behavior.

I've figured out that being overly self confident is my way of dealing with my extreme loneliness. Once I got out in the natural lands again where I could actually hear my thoughts, paranoia rolled over me like a tank. Thoughts such as "will my friends replace me?" "am I just supposed to be some sort of weird loner?" " will I ever succeed in life?" and such ran through my head. I was just trying to enjoy nature and find peace within myself... but no. We can't have that.

Then this evening I had a bout of self confidence that caused me to sign up for things like our campus improv comedy team called "Scared Scriptless". I now have the feeling I'm going to be as bad as Michael Scott at this. I feel like if I can work in the line "because it makes me feel tingly" in tonights practice, I'll be good to go though. Maybe I'll use one of my silly storyteller voices. Maybe. I'll just pretend I'm Craig Ferguson. Speaking of which, I should really watch him again.

I've also signed up for the martial arts club. It's my goal to become "that one hot girl who could totally kick your ass". Honestly, looking mildly attractive and having the ability to punch stuff is all I could ever have going for me (aaaand self confidence totally plummets). I think my red hair is the only thing that is making me and ever did make me attractive anyways. oh well. I'll be able to kick people's asses soon. Then I can rule the world. Nothing else will matter then. 

~AM

What the hell is a Hufflepuff?

I'm back at college. Finally. Even though I have many conflicting emotions about college, I'm generally glad to be back. The last week went by at a pace slower than prospies on a tour of the campus. I was getting seriously agitated and anxious (which is also how I feel towards pospies. I can say these things because I never was one) and I wanted to punch stuff. I was feeling a little meh but the presence of a good comrade this weekend put me in better spirits. 

And now I'm here.

So I'm sitting in my window and creeping upon the main entrance of my dorm now. I'm trying to see who lives here. They look like a good group of people I guess. I hope I don't fall off this ledge and break my lappy. I'm absolutely in love with my room. It's a great place for a Hufflepuff such as I to reside. Compared to my last room...this one is gigantic.

My roommate isn't here yet though so I think I might freak out a little tonight since I have to sleep here by myself. It's a haunted dorm, you know. What if a ghost gets me!? I've been thinking that I might have to do a little Ghost Adventuring myself sometime. Or just watch an episode of Ghost Adventures and see how I sleep tonight, yeah?

I'm pretty content at the moment, but my list of annoyances is growing a bit. Public restrooms, mosquitoes, crowded meals, eating alone, slow moving people, my lack of a writing class, not having access to a car, the bonfire being cancelled tonight, and the fact I can't find the tv in this dorm.... But I am not going to let these things get to me. 

I have a decent feeling about this year. I'm hoping to change this to a fantastic feeling by adding a writing class. If I don't get that class....well you can look forward to a lot of posts with me complaining about the class I've been put in. I will reveal what that class is in good time my friends. Do not fret. 

Maybe I'll have a realistic goal about my life this year.  hahahaha....eh. 

~AM