I'm so AWESOME-....never mind

Maybe it's because I sit up in the balcony and stare down at people when I eat, but I tend to develop a habit of feeling superior to everyone here every once and a while. I walk around like I'm the best thing that ever happened to this campus sometimes. For once, I feel as though people who aren't friends with me are either stupid or just intimidated by me. It's quite the difference from my usual behavior.

I've figured out that being overly self confident is my way of dealing with my extreme loneliness. Once I got out in the natural lands again where I could actually hear my thoughts, paranoia rolled over me like a tank. Thoughts such as "will my friends replace me?" "am I just supposed to be some sort of weird loner?" " will I ever succeed in life?" and such ran through my head. I was just trying to enjoy nature and find peace within myself... but no. We can't have that.

Then this evening I had a bout of self confidence that caused me to sign up for things like our campus improv comedy team called "Scared Scriptless". I now have the feeling I'm going to be as bad as Michael Scott at this. I feel like if I can work in the line "because it makes me feel tingly" in tonights practice, I'll be good to go though. Maybe I'll use one of my silly storyteller voices. Maybe. I'll just pretend I'm Craig Ferguson. Speaking of which, I should really watch him again.

I've also signed up for the martial arts club. It's my goal to become "that one hot girl who could totally kick your ass". Honestly, looking mildly attractive and having the ability to punch stuff is all I could ever have going for me (aaaand self confidence totally plummets). I think my red hair is the only thing that is making me and ever did make me attractive anyways. oh well. I'll be able to kick people's asses soon. Then I can rule the world. Nothing else will matter then. 

~AM