Songs you didn't know I liked PART 2

I've been gone a long time. I'm going to ease back into writing with a little list. You can read the first iteration of this post here.

Get Back- Ludacris: I don't know what it is about this song that I like other than I like to shout "GET BACK MOTHERF****R YOU DON'T KNOW ME LIKE THAT at people.

Capital G- Nine Inch Nails: Now I love Nine Inch Nails in general. NIN saved me in college. But why this song? There are loads more better than this. There's just something fun about reciting the opening lyrics to unsuspecting people out of context and sounding really philosophical. (I'm sensing a theme).

The Beautiful People- Marilyn Manson: Tyler likes to point out that literally no one would suspect I listen to ANY song by Marilyn Mason. I would agree, this one is pretty left field for me. But damn, this is a great song to angry air guitar to.

Fairytale- Alexander Rybak: Here is one that I'm really embarrassed about. This is some sappy EuroVision shit that I can't get enough of. It's like an alcohol-free Applebee's specialty drink drinking song.

Womanizer-Britney Spears: What I would give to actually be good at dancing. This song always gets me thinking I'm a Pop Star when, if I were to video record myself lip-syncing and dancing to this song, which I certainly have not, I would be disappointed in the unflattering footage of myself.

'93 Me and Fred and Dave and Ted- The Magnetic Fields: The singer in this band always sounds like he's just depressed as shit and that his own voice is boring the hell out of himself. But I learned all of the lyrics to this song in 2 hours upon hearing it.

From the Pinnacle to the Pit- Ghost B.C.: Even though King Diamond scared the crap out of me, I find the characters that make up Ghost B.C. delightfully and charmingly frightful. Despite the fact the band is made up of nameless ghouls and a satanic priest, they aren't actually satanists. But sure, this is my Hail Satan jam.

Bodies-Drowning Pool: I love this song because all I can imagine is my brother rollerblading to this song in gym class.

Here We Go-Bassnectar: I think the house/dub/whatever genre has some real potential to sound cool. Unfortunately it's usually quite repetitive, uses small child voice samples a little too often, and is quite unimaginative. However, I can respect the really nice bass-drop in this song.

Copabana- Barry Manilow: I could be dying of some terrible illness and I bet I'll still dance to the entirety of this song if played. Please keep playing this at wedding receptions. Thanks.

Young and Directionless

What do I even write? Where do I even write?

Since I killed this blog, I started a couple of "spin-off" blogs that I thought would host my "real" writing. I thought this blog was too...fake? I'm not even sure. My feelings were very real here. My voice is very clear in all of these posts. I must have been embarrassed by the content. I seemed too young and directionless. The writing seemed too easy. I didn't feel like I was working hard enough. The blog of the self seems too narcissistic and pointless.

So I started Fiendish Hooves and then later Sustainable Stories to do my real, hard writing. Fiendish Hooves also served as a platform to practice my drawing skills and to move away from the "juvenile" mediocre paint drawings. I guess I was just too good for AM in the Morning.

After the initial first posts that inspired the themes of each respective blog, it felt like a chore to crank out posts I thought people would enjoy reading. That's the problem right there: I was trying too hard to please You.

Don't get me wrong: I'm proud of the posts that came out of all that hard work. I did enjoy the finished product when I finally got around to it. The problem is, I'm obviously not motivated enough to keep up either blog. Unfortunately. I think they are both swell ideas and could really go somewhere, but I just can't seem to get into it.

So now I'm wondering if I should go back to writing the "easy" vapid stuff on this blog....if only to get me writing more often again. I feel guilty, even now, at the thought of not putting time into another Fiendish Hooves or a Sustainable Story. Those are what the people like! They might make me famous! I get to show off my craft of telling a story! It's funny! And so on and so on.

So is writing supposed to be easy or hard? And should I have the reader in mind, or should I write for myself, and be thrilled if someone out there just so happens to think I also wrote it for them? I'm so troubled by these questions.

One thing I'm fairly certain about is that I'm clearly over-thinking the whole realm of writing.

G(od help me)-Force

I don't know why I put myself through this. I should have stopped watching after 5 minutes. It was at this point I said to myself  "ahahahahahaaaaa it's a talking guinea pig! Shoot me."

The beginning was really slow. There was a lot of military talk I didn't listen to. The only thing I caught was the the guinea pig knew what kind of underwear the bad guy was wearing! Ha! Technology these days.

So what I gathered of the plot was that there was this evil scheme involving kitchen appliances and shopping. Sounds more like a womans problem and less like a guinea pigs problem to me. But there's something about extermination of the human race somehow involved with all this...I didn't pay attention.

So we got this team of guinea pigs and company (trained by Zach Galafalfkjslf) trying to prove to the government that they are just as good as human agents. I don't really remember their names but there is:

Mole: he's the typical computer nerd. the real core of the team. shy.
Fly: camera crew. doesn't talk. thank god.
Commander: the lead guinea pig. not much more character.
Latina Tease: the guinea pig who leads everyone on and is sassy. that's it.
Black Guinea Pig: now when I say "black" I mean that's what color he was... but it could also refer to the stereotype placed upon him. Some of his lines include: "lemme acks him" "pimp my ride" "tick...tick....boom" "let's get this party started riiiiight" etc. seriously.  
Oaf: guinea pig they met in a pet shop. he farts. a lot. *sigh*


There are also human characters...but they are pretty unimportant.


The basic plot involves too much explaining. I don't care to explain this movie too much. I'm not sure what to tell you. The guinea pigs want to stop evil. Government agents trying to capture them because they know too many secrets is a subplot. umm...something like that.

Here are some things I wrote while watching the movie:
-oh for god's sake...one of the goddamn guinea pigs is on facebook updating her status.
-How the f*** do you mess up a download!? Seriously! Stupid guinea pigs.
-The old "they're...um...they're... invisible! OMG they're EVERYWHERE!" trick worked really well on those government agents! Jesus Christ.
-Wait...why do the government agents want to kill the guinea pigs again? Oh right. Because they're annoying.
-commander: "cool it guys! The world is at stake!" oh shut up. Please. Die.
- The line "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" was just used after Oaf guinea pig farted. You're welcome Apocalypse Now.
-"He's sensitive" is just a nice way of saying "that hamster over there is really Canadian".
-They keep playing "I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night" at stupid times. Which is all the time.
-It's 26 minutes into the movie and even their spy fly is trying to kill himself.
- Grandfather to child about mole: "That's a hideous crime against nature I'd say!" Ouch.
-What kind of DEMONIC child picks up a guinea pig in the pet store and lobs him across the room into the snake tank!?
-Now we're learning spanish!
-I bet the mole didn't really die in the garbage truck. I'll bet we'll see him again and he'll save the day. Just a thought.
-Why are they using cockroach spies? They're not cute. They are disgusting.
-Stupid Subplot Alert: The newly encountered Oaf thinks the Commander is his brother. aaaannd now he wants to come along. Well great.
-It's always the Canadians fault. 
-So the evil guy has never seen his business partner who also insists upon masking his voice during conference calls. I think we've found the real villain here. It's HAL.
-Wait....what did Oaf just say? He wants a hot canadian girlfriend? Why would you want that? Why are we talking about Canada again!?
-We're halfway through the movie and I don't give a rat's ass about the plot anymore.
-Ladies and Gentlemen, I just witnessed a coffee machine turn into a robot and start slicing things.
-THE BIG SHOCKER: Zach Galafaghklsgjlf lied to the guinea pigs! They're not genetically engineered! They're normal! Oh noes!
-Commander found out he was the runt and now he feels insignificant. But whatever. It's not like he's talking and going on spy missions or anything. ugh. This underdog thing is NOT working at all! He's not an underdog! None of them are!
-Ok...one of the guinea pigs went to WEST POINT. Case closed.
-I swear to god if there's another fart joke....
-There is no way those agents survived that horrific crash into an RV. But they did.
-Now we're back to questioning who Latina Tease likes better. There was no conclusion on this matter.
-HE PUSHED THE BUTTON! OH GOD! THE SATELLITES ARE MOVING! SOMETHING ABOUT A VIRUS.
-All the kitchen appliances are turning into a....a......a transformer?
-All the women died. Or so I assume. They're the only ones who are in the kitchen with those killer appliances.
-Oaf is in the microwave. Yeah. No one wants to see him explode.
-WTF I didn't see that coming at all! The evil business partner was Mole! That does not fit his character at all. Maybe it's his cousin? Seriously. They're just throwing that crap out there like it all fits together BUT IT DOESN'T.  F*** you G-Force.
-oh ok so we should have seen that because the business partner's name was Japanese for "mole". Ugh. Thanks for making me feel like a stupid American. Jerks.
-How much you want to bet Oaf saves the day?
- "We're your family!" is the lamest argument ever considering Mole's real family was kinda exterminated and that's why he wants to kill everyone with kitchen appliances...but I guess Mole bought it. Now he's back to being the quiet, reserved, docile... nerdy geek. I think he's bipolar.
-Oaf appears to be dead. That cake is awfully close to his head. Any minute now he's gonna pop back to life like a Hun in the snow. Yep. He's alive.
-THE THRILLING CONCLUSION: They all get badges. Loose metaphor about family.
- a dance party starts.... I'm done with this movie.

I was going to draw pictures for this...but this movie doesn't deserve my art. I'm also really irritated that I wasted time on this. Even Beverly Hills Chihuahuas was better than this.

~AM