My Mind Has Decided It Doesn't Like Me

I'm not well. Once again, I'm not well.

Even though things are going fine oh I'm not well.

I feel tired all the time yet I'm unable to sleep. The silence only amplifies the thoughts in my head. Day by day the thoughts have been getting louder and louder.

I can no longer repress them. I can no longer tell myself they are a figment of my imagination. My mind doesn't believe me anymore.

I don't understand why, why I must think like this. It just happens. Things may be going swell but I don't feel well.

I go through every scenario...every possible thing that could go wrong. I don't know why. Perhaps my mind wants to be prepared for every situation...to brace itself.

I wonder why I can't just be happy things are going well instead of worrying about what the future may bring.

I want to just be happy and continue to be happy. But no. I worry. I doubt. I become paranoid. My mind thinks too much. I wishes to destroy my happiness.

But then, my mind usually makes a good point most of the time...which doesn't help. I'm afraid it will be mostly right again.

I don't feel motivated to do much. I need a hug or something.

~AM

Bad Omen

Today strange things have occurred.

I am deeply disturbed and do not think they are coincidental.

Bad things are going to happen if we live in this house.

~AM

Power Out

So the power and internet were down for 8 hours. I wrote this on Microsoft word because I was bored.

The power and internet have been down for a little over an hour now. No one knows what happened. I think it’s a conspiracy. It’s a social experiment so they can watch us all suffer.

One thing I do know….my computer has about 10 minutes left of power at the moment….as does my phone. I can’t plug anything in…no power duh!

The heat has been off…the dorm has slowly been getting colder. Went over to the main building…power is out there too. I guess the power is out everywhere? The food places and such are all shut down. Perhaps I won’t have to work.

It will be soon when I have no access to anything but myself and the material things around me. No phone…no internet…no typing my thoughts. I will have to switch to pencil and paper.

At least everybody has an excuse to not do homework?

Everything is so dark…and cold. I have a big flashlight….but I can’t seem to open it to get at the dead batteries within to replace them. I have an itty bitty flashlight.
I wonder what will happen when it gets dark. Maybe I won’t have to work? As you can tell, kinda don’t want to work.

How will people get food?

I started working on acrid grapes again while the power was out…since I can still use Microsoft word.

I think we are all learning a lesson. We are very dependent on electricity and the internet.

I wish I would have charged my phone. I really want to call people.

Oh shit. My fridge runs on electricity. That means there’s nothing cooling it.

SPOILED FOOD. NOOO NOT MY PARMESAN CHEESE. I am rather upset by all of this now. They can take away my phone (for a while), they can take away my internet (for a while) but once you start messing with my parmesan cheese…there shall be hell to pay. I can’t seem to remember what else is in the fridge…I don’t want to look and let all the cold air out. :-/

I was going to do get dinner before I worked…but as I said everything is closed. After I get done working…everything will be closed again. No eatings for me for a while. Sad.

My fingers have an odd numb feeling now…and there’s only 10% power on my computer. Time to curl up and try not to freeze.

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I did end up working. It was really dumb.

~AM