Young and Directionless

What do I even write? Where do I even write?

Since I killed this blog, I started a couple of "spin-off" blogs that I thought would host my "real" writing. I thought this blog was too...fake? I'm not even sure. My feelings were very real here. My voice is very clear in all of these posts. I must have been embarrassed by the content. I seemed too young and directionless. The writing seemed too easy. I didn't feel like I was working hard enough. The blog of the self seems too narcissistic and pointless.

So I started Fiendish Hooves and then later Sustainable Stories to do my real, hard writing. Fiendish Hooves also served as a platform to practice my drawing skills and to move away from the "juvenile" mediocre paint drawings. I guess I was just too good for AM in the Morning.

After the initial first posts that inspired the themes of each respective blog, it felt like a chore to crank out posts I thought people would enjoy reading. That's the problem right there: I was trying too hard to please You.

Don't get me wrong: I'm proud of the posts that came out of all that hard work. I did enjoy the finished product when I finally got around to it. The problem is, I'm obviously not motivated enough to keep up either blog. Unfortunately. I think they are both swell ideas and could really go somewhere, but I just can't seem to get into it.

So now I'm wondering if I should go back to writing the "easy" vapid stuff on this blog....if only to get me writing more often again. I feel guilty, even now, at the thought of not putting time into another Fiendish Hooves or a Sustainable Story. Those are what the people like! They might make me famous! I get to show off my craft of telling a story! It's funny! And so on and so on.

So is writing supposed to be easy or hard? And should I have the reader in mind, or should I write for myself, and be thrilled if someone out there just so happens to think I also wrote it for them? I'm so troubled by these questions.

One thing I'm fairly certain about is that I'm clearly over-thinking the whole realm of writing.